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Friday, July 18, 2014

So Much To Miss

As much as I love Little Dude, there's no doubt that he's changed my life completely in the four months since he arrived.  I wouldn't trade him for the world, but there are things about my life BLD (Before Little Dude) that I miss.  

I miss blogging.  Writing has always been my outlet and now that I don't have time to do much of it, I really miss it, especially since I could really use an outlet besides chocolate these days.  Right now, I only turn on my computer a few times a month.  I have my tablet so I can stalk browse Facebook while spending hours holding Little Dude or tube feeding, but it's just too hard to blog on my tablet.

I miss sewing.  I finally managed to snag a few yards of Frozen fabric which usually sells out within a few hours of being put up for sale.  Somehow, getting new fabric did not help me miss my sewing machine any less.

I found this super cute Bambi fabric at Joann Fabrics yesterday and bought 2 yards.  Now to stare at it wistfully and wish I could actually do something with it.

I miss my kids.  I spend so much time caring for Little Dude that I barely have time for my other kids.  They've definitely been noticing the lack of attention and acting out because of it.  Because it is so hard to calm Little Dude down when he gets upset and because most people can't tube feed him, if someone does come over to help out with the kids, they'll take charge of the older three so I can focus on Little Dude.  While I greatly appreciate the help, I desperately want to spend some time focusing on my other kids too.   

My little cutie pie wearing overalls for the first time since getting his G Tube.  I usually dress him in onesies and sleepers for easier access to the G Tube.

I miss my husband.  Between working the night shift, caring for the kids, and Little Dude's frequent doctor appointments, Hubby and I don't see much of each other these days. 

I miss sleep.  My oldest two kids slept through the night by 5 weeks old and Star slept through the night at 7 weeks *ducks tomatoes thrown by sleep deprived moms*.  I knew I was lucky and I was always afraid that my luck wouldn't hold up with each child I gave birth to.  Turns out, my luck ran out with Little Dude.  He's up 1-3 times a night usually for extended periods and up early in the morning.  I very rarely get naps during the day because the kids' naps never seem to coordinate and Little Dude doesn't nap well.  I now consider 6 hours of interrupted sleep a good night's sleep. 

I miss being oblivious to the stresses of having a special needs child.  I've always had the utmost respect for moms of children with special needs or chronic health issues, but until you're there, you don't know just how hard it really is.  I feel like my heart gets ripped out of my chest at least a few times a week when we get more bad news from a doctor or Little Dude has a rough day.  And since we still don't have an official diagnosis for all of his problems and won't for a long time, if ever (sometimes the doctors never do find a diagnosis for kids like this), there's the uncertainty and not knowing what we're up against.    


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