Motherhood Is Messy

Motherhood is very messy at times. Between the drool, spit-up, vomit, poop, food spills, mucus, blood, etc. it's a disgusting job at times.

So far, in the almost 3 1/2 years I've been "employed" by my kidlets, I've caught puke in my bare hands, picked poop off the bathroom floor, scrubbed smeared poop off a cream colored carpet, wiped runny little noses literally thousands of times, stepped in pee puddles with my bare feet, located Princess by following the trail of drool she left behind, mopped up gallons of spilled milk, washed blood out of hair and off foreheads and little knees, and much more. But what happened this morning topped all the disgusting things I've done and seen as a mother so far. To be honest, I'm not sure it can be topped. Feel free to prove me wrong with your own tale of woe. Just to warn you, this post is not for the faint of heart or stomach. You may want to locate an ice cream pail and stash it under your computer chair if you have a tendency to feel nauseous.

Our toilet is hard to flush. Not for an adult or older child, but 3 year old Princess has a hard time pushing down the handle to flush it. She's supposed to close the lid and shut the bathroom door so Little Man doesn't get in the bathroom to, you know, play in the handy little pool of water that's at just the right level for him. She's forgotten numerous times and so numerous times, I've dragged Little Man away from the toilet just before he goes for a dip. He's managed to get his hands in there a few times, but nothing too serious. Until today.

This morning, Princess was in the bathroom washing her hands after using the toilet and I was in the living room with Little Man. Then I heard suspicious splashing sounds and realized that Little Man was gone. I found him standing next to the toilet in the bathroom and my worst fears were confirmed. He was EATING the poop out of the toilet. That's right. EATING POOP. He had it all over his hands and had dropped some on his feet too. Gagging, I cleaned him up and began trying to clean his mouth out. He's getting 4 new teeth in and wasn't too keen on me swiping the inside of his mouth with a wet rag so I had to fight him. After cleaning him up, I carried him into the kitchen to give him something to wash it down with. I had to carry him at arm's length because his breath was absolutely putrid. He drank half a sippy cup of juice, but his breath still smelled terrible. Mortified that my child had eaten something so nasty and I hadn't noticed until too late, I called the pediatrician who assured me that unless Princess were sick, Little Man should be okay, but told me to call Poison Control just in case. At this point of my mothering career, I have Poison Control on speed dial. They basically reiterated what the doctor had said, but told me to keep an eye out for fever, diarrhea, etc.

As one of my friends said, "Talk about a blackmail story!" This cute little anecdote is going in Little Man's baby book.

Unsolicited Advice: Ummmmm....don't let your kids eat poop.